By Guest Writer Katherine Dean
Original Post on Linked In
Throughout my 20+ year career, I’ve always been told I was bold, strong & outspoken. Interestingly enough, I have been call the “B” word more times than I can mention, I “get shit done” and yet for many years on the inside I felt weak, I was holding back, not showing up for who I really was & truly conforming to the “social norm.”
Now, I grew up in a small town in Westchester, New York. The youngest of three and the only girl. Our parents raised us with a real work ethic and also to be contributors to society. Real estate & business was a daily conversation in our household so from a very early age I did understand the life of entrepreneurship. A short 4 year college education in Marine Biology, followed by a self-discovery moment that I really LOVED business and creating ideas to share with the world, starting & selling businesses, purchasing real estate for passive income, saving for retirement and never getting myself into debt. I had a great foundation from my parents. But, for years what I didn’t have was the BOLDNESS of stepping out into who I really knew inside I could be or really wanted TO BE.
A few corporate positions, profitable businesses started and sold, employee awards (including trips to places like Cabo), building corporations and teams that thrived! On the outside it looked picture perfect. But, for some reason all of this wasn’t enough… Why on the inside did I keep getting the festering idea that I wasn’t stepping out and Being Bold. Why did I feel like I was living the life “I was supposed to be living” rather than the life I created? For years… and I mean YEARS I lived a life created by other’s opinions, judgements, “supposed to(s),” women can’t be BOLD, they need to save face, they should be a certain way in the corporate setting…Success in my eyes was hours upon hours of WORKING and not enjoying.
And remember when I said that I was Bold, OutSpoken and even called the “B” word numerous times in business, I still felt like only 25% of me was showing up in my life. I didn’t even know who I was being most of the time. I was conforming to the norms placed upon me and really…that Bold, Outspoken Bitch wasn’t even ME! How could that be?
Fast forward to May 11th, 2010. That was the night I was out on date night when my spouse told me that it was over… Two babies at home, two income household, white picket fence, golden retriever & living in “The Happiest Town in America.” That was the day that all I thought I wanted in my life crumbled to the ground. Every fake smile I had, every thought I kept to myself, every ounce of “happiness” or whatever I thought it was at the time came to a screeching holt. I became the exact FAILURE I judged others for, the exact FAILURE I promised myself I would never be & the exact FAILURE that shifted my entire life into an incredible new direction. Yup, I said it. It was the EXACT FAILURE I needed to realize that my life wasn’t MINE! The exact FAILURE that shifted my entire life into self-discovery. Those inevitable questions, WHO AM I? Who do I WANT TO BE? What do I WANT? What makes ME happy? I could go on and on…
It wasn’t immediate, it wasn’t right away but after a few years, job changes, retreats, programs, great friends, family, beautiful children & a REALLY supportive new relationship I BECAME ME. Authentically ME… I stepped out into the TRUE BOLD version of myself…I learned what it was like to speak up for my BRILLIANCE and not holding back for the sake of saving face or not being a bitch. To tell the the truth, it wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy being alone with yourself and NOT knowing who you authentically are. It’s not easy knowing that you FAILED at something so near and dear to your heart. It’s not easy living in the PRESENT and not dwelling in the past. It has become a daily practice of mine. A daily practice of Gratitude & Consciousness.
But, you know what is so incredible. When you face FEARS as a form of FUN. Try it on some time. Face a FEAR that held you back for years (mine was a high ropes course that held me back from going to sleep away camp in 7th grade…30+ years later I got on a ropes course and faced the fear) or the fear of speaking in front of big groups. Although I still get a little bit of jitters…I show up and share my knowledge and heart with the world.
The FEAR of owning another house after being underwater when the financial crisis hit in 2008 and selling at a HUGE loss. Now just a few short years later, owning a few properties that give me and my family passive income. Starting Living Your Worth, Inc. after over 15 years of holding it back as a dream company I wanted to start. Leading Women to OWN THEIR GREATNESS. Be Unapologetically themselves while being Financially Independent.
Probably my biggest challenge was trusting another person to live my life with again… I mean really LIVE MY LIFE (Bold, Authentic me) After that day in May 2010 that ROCKED MY WORLD. It changed everything about me, my soul, my core being… It took me awhile to trust again, a very patient individual sticking by me and allowing me to BE ME. That person that I entrust with my children, who has become an incredible parent, partner & by biggest supporter in my life. (just to think it all started with a “hammer” for Christmas to knock down the walls I surrounded myself with)
Once the fears were faced (and continue to be faced on a daily basis – Spiders still make me jump!😉), I was able to show up as my authentic self. I truly believe we live in two worlds. The world of FEAR and the world of LOVE. Everything in our lives are driven by these two worlds. So steer your full being into the world of LOVE. The world of “who cares what other people think.” The world of “I am brilliant!” The world of “I want to be authentically ME!” Yeah, you are going to piss some people off. But that is on them! People are going to look at you and say “who is she to” or “who does he think he is?” Honestly, if you can’t be you…then who are pretending to be?
Life becomes so much easier when you show up as YOU!
Brilliant, Beautiful, Bold, Authentic & Unapologetically YOU!
Dance Under the Stars! Sing OUT LOUD! Smile at Strangers! Be a shoulder for a friend in pain. Hug a tree. Play in the park. Connect with the beautiful world around you!
JUST BE YOU!
Be the AUTHENTIC, BOLD & POWERFUL YOU!