The Key Ingredient to Building Unshakable Confidence

by Summer Innanen

We all know the woman. The one who appears to be crushing it at life, but every time you acknowledge her efforts, she doubts what she’s done and judges herself for not being better. “Yeah, but I could have done x, y, and z.” You wish she could see how awesome she really is.

Most of us fall into this trap. We take a risk, whether it’s speaking up or wearing a more daring outfit and then doubt what we’ve done, obsess over what other people might be thinking and beat ourselves up for not doing better. Think of the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone. Did you feel proud for taking the action or did you worry about what others were thinking and fret over whether you did the right thing? If you resonate with the latter, it’s time to reframe where you’re focusing your mental energy to give your confidence a boost.

One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to building unshakeable confidence is neglecting to acknowledge the effort we put into taking the action. Instead, we ruminate on the fear and doubt surrounding the outcome. It’s the difference between saying, “I let my friend tag me in a photo on Facebook and I’ve spent 45 hours worrying about what people are thinking and wondering if I should remove it,” versus, “I am so proud that I let my friend tag me on Facebook. I haven’t done that before.” Acknowledging your courage and championing your efforts is like making a deposit into your confidence and self-worth account.

We all have confidence aspirations, whether it’s to assertively say no, go to the beach in a bikini or ask for a raise at work. The first time you do any of these things, it can feel heart-palpitating-scary. Giving yourself credit for stepping outside of your comfort zone is the necessary ingredient towards building confidence and makes it easier for you to repeat this behavior going forward. The bottom line: Be unapologetic about praising your efforts – even when it feels uncomfortable.


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